Welcome to our website;
We are so deeply sorry for your loss.
We are so deeply sorry for your loss.
You are braver than you feel, and much stronger than you know. Various months are painful for those who grieve; anniversaries can break our hearts.
And for bereaved parents May (Mothers Day), and June (Fathers Day) can be, oh so, particularly fraught.
Yet, here you are checking in, reaching out, and opening to the hope that certain words, and certain thoughts from others who grieve might help a little. On a "little" we can build. And I call this brave...
And for bereaved parents May (Mothers Day), and June (Fathers Day) can be, oh so, particularly fraught.
Yet, here you are checking in, reaching out, and opening to the hope that certain words, and certain thoughts from others who grieve might help a little. On a "little" we can build. And I call this brave...
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As our days grow warmer, and Mother Nature gentles; still, the grief-mountain looms.
It's too big to climb over, and much too vast to navigate around. Truly, you must travel through the centre of this grief. Please reach out and share your heartrending story with those you trust. While a painful burden shared may not be halved, it will be lightened. With dedicated grief-work: sharing, mourning, missing, memorializing and honouring your loved-one (though never, for a minute, easy) have faith that slowly you will find a way to cope with your pain. In this life-journey, sometimes, three steps forward will later bring two steps backward; and this needs to be okay. Bravely you have made it through to "here." And even if you do not feel it yet, yes this is truly brave. An important quote for we who grieve: "The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." ---Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Congratulate yourself for managing through the smallest of accomplishments. Perhaps, you permitted yourself to say "no" to an invitation which did not offer safety or comfort in your bereavement. Continue to respect this tender child within you. Being your own advocate for what nurtures you best is essential. Those in your inner circle, or those who have experienced loss will understand. While there may be some who do not "get it" no matter how hard you try to explain, this (absolutely) is okay. You must do whatever is best, and survivable for you...these are necessary choices. Guilt can play a complicated role with loss. Our painful searches for the why's, with recaps of the "what-if's," may be a yearning to understand the unknowable and to regain an element of control. While these agonizing episodes can be normal; please trust that you did everything you possibly could for your loved-one. Many of us would have traded our lives for theirs if the choice were ours. We must work to forgive ourselves for being merely human. Forgiveness, also, is essential work for you... Today's world events continue their harsh impacts, causing many to feel increasingly unsafe and unstable; greatly exacerbating personal grief. Accolades to you for simply doing what you are able, one baby step at a time; always remembering that down-time, and sleep are important for you. Yet they are illusive to capture when your head chatter intensifies; especially, at night. Let me share a little of what I do, while borrowing wisdom from the many others who struggle. While everyone is different, possibly, with a few shared ideas you will latch onto what helps you best. Initially I set a soft stage for sleep, firmly shutting down all electronic devices. Then ensuring my stomach is comfortable, and that my sleep space feels cozy, safe and calm. Finally, there are reliable mantras I employ to drown out those mean voices. Choose something soothing and easy to recall. First I close my eyes and envision all the ones I care for: safe, secure, and well-loved. Beginning with those no longer here, and forever deeply missed. Then reaching further into my lists, I picture my cherished family and friends; all my special people safe. Eventually, with the steady repetition of my well-tested mantra, the derisive chatter quiets, my anxiety calms and I do sleep. Every fear, worry and heartache is even more insurmountable without rest. Everyday, your broken heart craves to hear kind words of compassion from you to you. On the hardest of days, getting up and getting dressed may be the best you can cope with "today," and that needs to be okay. Your journey is daunting. Still, if you are aware of your triggers this may soften the blow a little; allowing you to feel less blind-sided. Grant yourself permission to grieve. Be yourself without a mask. There are no timelines for this essential journey of yours. Acknowledge that your grief-work may inherit extra layers of complication. There are many who are uncomfortable with even the thought of, or connection to, death. No blame, or shame here. We, who are bereaved, are not true fans of our heart-wrenching losses either. However, death, no matter how destressed we may feel, is a part of life and grief the painful cost of love. As such, a caring support circle is an essential coping piece to all of our human journeys. You could be faced with occasions where friends and family seem more at ease if we/you claim to be fine. Nonetheless, when true feelings are shared, everyone wins especially the vulnerable you. Masks help no one. Every positive effort buoys your confidence. Bridges of hope can be built with these little encouragements. Grief is your hardest work: Keep your expectations of yourself realistic. Despair and exhaustion, even anger, among other painful emotions can be usual reactions to your loss. Bereavement is complex, and your reactions are likely to be multifaceted. Much is interdependent on the depth of your relationship with the one who sadly has died, as well as the impact of "why, where, and when." Each loss is individual and profound. There may be times when we feel as if we've lost our past, our present, and our future . . . As clichéd as this may sound; please take just one moment, one minute, one hour, and one precious day at a time. Aging grief, and aging grievers: Lately, the aging of grievers, and the aging of our losses "themselves" has surfaced. Two of my fellow writers have mentioned this, and I have felt it too. In the beginning of our journey, we hold tight to the hope (almost desperately) that our grief will soften, maybe even go away, with grief-work and with time. Please do not lose hope. Once we befriend our Grief, rather than flee--yes, grief does soften. Later we breathe with a growing ease; embracing some of the precious moments of life and with gratitude for what still remains... Speaking to those who are faced with the growing distance of decades; myself included. When the time increases from that last hug, that last smile, from your loved-one's precious face; this (too) gives it's own particular challenges. Please know that you normal, and you are not alone While everyone is individual; I (only) can share a few experiences from my journey. For me, grief has stayed present. But it has become more of an uninvited companion, rather than a daily adversary. Love and grief are so intertwined. My deep-missing, of my son Liam, with it's accompanying sorrow also has remained. Yet, with this passage of time when the darkness comes; I have an earned-history of it passing. Each time I've fallen, I have managed to climb back up. With these hopes, and proof thereof, my confidence has grown. Still, it helps me to repeat that grief is a journey, not a destination. While we could never forget, our precious loved-ones (nor would we want to); sadly, as we well know, the cost of love is grief. Just a thought: I find myself pondering; is it possible that some of our deep discomfort, is exacerbated by unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and of grief too? 
Stained glass art blooms from many broken pieces. With grief-work, caring support, and never giving up, your shattered pieces will realign too, into the irreplaceable person who is you. Different than before your loss, how could you not be? But still you...
Trust that sharing your story will lighten your burden. It bears repeating that you are "here" for a reason. Your essential job is NEVER to give up! Grief is not an attitude problem to be corrected with false joviality. Nonetheless, it is healthy (when you can) for you to smile and laugh. Laughter is never disrespectful to your loved one's death. Your roller-coaster-ride of loss will continue to wear many different faces. With zero timelines for your grief-journey, you will find a way to live with the pain of your life-changing unexpected loss. We say "unexpected," because even if your loved-one has been seriously ill, rarely are we/you prepared for his/her death. You may not realize this, but you are far braver than you know. No one willingly chooses grief. Our goal is to help when this uninvited intruder chooses you. As celebratory times arrive, bursting to the brim with memories, it's understandable for you to experience painful thoughts, and recurring visions of: "before-your-loss," and "after-your-loss." During your ongoing journey: Reading may offer a safe private space for you: Bibliotherapy, books as therapy, are accessible always; opening "windows" as to how others cope. Their stories may lend validation to you; validation for the many, and varied changes of emotion which grief unexpectedly brings. Perhaps explore Dr. Hoi F. Cheu's article on Bibliotherapy in the Addendum of Life Came to a Standstill. If you check out other pages on our site, there are free booklets, a poem, and dragonfly key chains: in the headings choose the option for Grief and the Courts, and A Guide For Living After Loss. Read Dawn's original poem, and/or, contact Barbara regarding her amazing key-chains, also continue for book tips. Alone: When friends and family cannot grasp the weight of your sorrow, share how you feel; ask for what you need. Teach those in your support circles how to help you best. Wide swings of emotion can be normal for you; including fear, and possibly anger. Expressing your feelings may offer a healthy release and validation for you. Essential rules: "Do not hurt yourself. Do not hurt anyone else." Bereavement support: Communities, in many countries, offer free support for grieving families. Bereaved Families of Ontario and Compassionate Friends are examples. And Hospices with their compassionate assistance are available in provinces, and territories throughout Canada, including various other countries. Wherever you live, please research the avenue most accessible and best suited to you. Your well-being is the primary focus of these caring volunteer-based organizations. Sharing your unique story with those you trust will lighten your burden and bolster your confidence. Every healing effort helps you: |
Grief unfairly tasks you with the most painful work. When you feel broken, as you may well do, please hold onto hope. Following the traumatic deaths of our seven children, and one sister, my fellow writers, and I marked "hope," as one of our most sustaining insights. Consistently it retains its relevance, grace, and power. 
Permission to grab little breaks:
Walk with your grief in nature; savour a cup of tea in a comfy chair, or an update in your journal. Perhaps, a distracting program; or, an empathetic chat with a friend. While your tears continue to flow, your mind and heart will benefit from each small diversion. 
You have been coping with so much. When moments feel too overwhelming to bear, please reach out to wise people, wise quotes, and wise words.
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"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak
Whispers the oe'r fraught heart and bids it break.
--William Shakespeare
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While despair hovers;
please trust that you have a choice. Choose hope. |
Above all else do not give up.
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
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As contrary as this, initially, may feel;
Walk toward your pain. Soften the rigid way you hold your shoulders and your belly. Gently walk toward mercy for "you." In Stephen Levine's compassionate book: "Unattended Sorrow," he quotes the Buddha: "You can look the whole world over and never find anyone more deserving of love than yourself." |
Gwendolyn Broadmore, author
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Find our book:
"Life Came to a Standstill" is available through physical book stores, online, and in certain libraries. Have a look (with no obligation to buy) under "order your copy." |
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We wish you love,
health and safety, compassion and companionship, and always hope . . . |
To prior Goodreads free-book winners; we truly appreciate your interest.
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
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"Life Came to a Standstill,"
True Accounts of Loss, Love, and Hope How does a parent live through the death of a child? This profound poignant compilation of the courageous personal journeys of seven grieving mothers, and one grieving sister offers a road map of how to cope with the anguish of traumatic unexpected loss; giving inspiration for continuing to live. 
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