Welcome; we are deeply sorry for your loss . . .
Spring slowly has arrived:
As we welcome increased daylight, and eventually blessed warmer days, your grief may bring along with it unpredictable and heart searing emotions including fear. This sadly can be quite normal. And when our unsettled world makes you feel even less safe, your grief can be exacerbated, making your grief journey harder still. Reach out to your inner circle, protecting each other as best as you can. Congratulate yourself for simply doing what you are able, one small step at a time. Your broken heart craves to hear kind words of compassion from you to you. On the hardest of days, getting up and getting dressed may be the best you can cope with "today," and that needs to be okay. Your journey is daunting; still, if you are aware of your triggers it may soften the blow a little; allowing you to feel less blind-sided. Grant yourself permission to grieve. Be yourself without a mask. There are no timelines for this essential journey of yours. Acknowledging, in this world of ours, your grief-work may inherit extra layers of complication. There are many who are uncomfortable with, even the thought of, or connection to death. No blame, or shame here. We, who are bereaved, are not true fans of our heart-wrenching losses either. However death, no matter how destressed we may feel, is a part of life, and grief remains the painful cost of love. As such, a caring support circle is an essential coping piece to all of our human journeys. You could be faced with occasions where friends and family seem more at ease if we/you claim to be fine. Nonetheless, when true feelings are shared, everyone wins especially the vulnerable you. Masks help no one. Every positive effort buoys your confidence. Bridges of hope can be built with these little encouragements. Grief is your hardest work: Keep your expectations of yourself realistic. Despair and exhaustion, even anger, among other painful emotions can be usual reactions to your loss. Bereavement is complex, and your reactions are likely to be multifaceted. Much is interdependent on the depth of your relationship with the one who sadly has died, as well as the impact of "why, where, and when." Each loss is individual and profound. There may be times when we feel as if we've lost our past, our present, and our future . . . As clichéd as this may sound; please take big deep breaths, then just one moment, just one minute, one hour, and one precious day at a time; while you speak your loved-one's name out loud. Remember this is a journey, not a destination. 
Stained glass art blooms from many broken pieces. With grief-work, caring support, and never giving up, your shattered pieces will realign too, into the irreplaceable person who is you. Different than before your loss, how could you not be? But still you...
Also, please trust that sharing your story will lighten your burden, while encouraging an expansion of your essential coping circle. It bears repeating that you are "here" for a reason. Your essential job is NEVER to give up! Grief is not an attitude problem to be corrected with false joviality. Nonetheless, it is healthy (when you can) for you to smile and laugh. Laughter is never disrespectful to your loved one's death. Your roller-coaster-ride of loss will continue to wear many different faces. With zero timelines for your grief-journey, you will find a way to live with the pain of your life-changing unexpected loss. We say "unexpected," because even if your loved-one has been seriously ill, rarely are we/you prepared for his/her death. You may not realize this, but you are far braver than you know. No one willingly chooses grief. Our goal is to help when this uninvited intruder chooses you. As celebratory times arrive, bursting to the brim with memories, it's understandable for you to experience painful thoughts, and recurring visions of: "before-your-loss," and "after-your-loss." Grief is an ongoing journey: Reading may offer a safe private space for you: Bibliotherapy, books as therapy, are accessible always; opening "windows" as to how others cope. Perhaps their stories may lend validation to you; validation for the many, and varied changes of emotion which grief unexpectedly brings. Perhaps explore Dr. Hoi F. Cheu's article on Bibliotherapy in the Addendum of Life Came to a Standstill. Please check out other pages on our site; free booklets, a poem, and dragonfly key chains: In the headings choose the option for Grief and the Courts, and A Guide For Living After Loss. Read Dawn's original poem, and/or, contact Barbara regarding her amazing key-chains, also continue for book tips. Alone: If friends and family cannot grasp the weight of your sorrow, share how you feel; ask for what you need. Teach those in your support circles how to help you best. Wide swings of emotion can be normal for you; including fear, and possibly anger. Expressing your feelings may offer a healthy release and validation for you. Essential rules: "Do not hurt yourself. Do not hurt anyone else." Bereavement support: Various communities, in many countries, offer free support for grieving families. Bereaved Families of Ontario, and Compassionate Friends are examples of only two. Wherever you live, please research the avenue most accessible and best suited to you. Your well-being is the primary focus of these volunteer based organizations. Sharing your unique story with those you trust will lighten your burden and bolster your confidence. Every healing effort helps you: |
Grief unfairly tasks you with the most painful work. When you feel broken, as you may well do, please hold onto hope.
Following the traumatic deaths of our seven children, and one sister my fellow writers, and I marked "hope," as one of our most sustaining insights. Consistently it retains its relevance, grace, and power. 
Permission to grab little breaks:
Walk with your grief in nature; savour a cup of tea in a comfy chair, or an update in your journal. Perhaps, a distracting program; or, an empathetic chat with a friend. While your tears continue to flow, your mind and heart will benefit from each small diversion. 
You have been coping with so much. When moments feel too overwhelming to bear, please reach out to wise people, wise quotes, and wise words.
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"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak
Whispers the oe'r fraught heart and bids it break.
--William Shakespeare
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While despair hovers;
please trust that you have a choice. Choose hope. |
Above all else do not give up.
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
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As contrary as this, initially, may feel;
Walk toward your pain. Soften the rigid way you hold your shoulders and your belly. Gently walk toward mercy for "you." In Stephen Levine's compassionate book: "Unattended Sorrow," he quotes the Buddha: "You can look the whole world over and never find anyone more deserving of love than yourself." |
Gwendolyn Broadmore, author
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Find our book:
"Life Came to a Standstill" is available through physical book stores, online, and in certain libraries. Have a look (with no obligation to buy) under "order your copy." |
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We wish you love,
health and safety, compassion and companionship, and always hope . . . |
Once again, our warmest congratulations to all present and past Goodreads free-book-winners. We appreciate your interest and your participation.
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
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"Life Came to a Standstill,"
True Accounts of Loss, Love, and Hope How does a parent live through the death of a child? This profound poignant compilation of the courageous personal journeys of seven grieving mothers, and one grieving sister offers a road map of how to cope with the anguish of traumatic unexpected loss—giving inspiration for continuing to live. 
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