Welcome; we are deeply sorry for your loss . . .
As autumn settles in, and challenging anniversaries loom, sometimes, as the gardens go to bed for the winter, our sorrow blooms more vigorously. Please don't be alarmed.
This is sadly normal. It can be daunting to enter a new season, once again, without your loved-one "here." Still if you are aware of your triggers, this can soften the blow a little bit, and you may not feel quite as blind-sided. Please remember that every positive effort you make buoys your confidence a little bit. Bridges of hope can be built with these little encouragements. Stained glass art blooms from many broken pieces. With grief-work, caring support, and never giving up, your shattered pieces will realign too, into the irreplaceable person who is you. Different than before your loss, how could you not be? But still you...
Following the traumatic deaths of our seven children, and one sister my fellow writers and I marked "hope," as one of our most sustaining insights. Consistently it retains its relevance, grace, and power. Grief; your hardest work: Please keep expectations of yourself realistic. Despair and exhaustion, even anger, among other painful emotions can be usual reactions to your loss. Please trust that sharing your story will lighten your burden, while encouraging an expansion of your essential coping circle. It bears repeating that you are "here" for a reason. Your essential job is NEVER to give up! Grief is not an attitude problem to be corrected with false joviality. Nonetheless, it is healthy (when you can) for you to smile and laugh. Laughter is never disrespectful to your loved one's death. Your roller-coaster-ride of loss will continue to wear many different faces. With zero timelines for your grief-journey, you will find a way to live with the pain of your life-changing unexpected loss. We say "unexpected," because even if your loved-one has been seriously ill, rarely are we/you prepared for his/her death. You may not realize this, but you are far braver than you know. No one willingly chooses grief. Our goal is to help when this uninvited intruder chooses you. As celebratory times arrive, bursting with memories, it's understandable to be blind-sided by painful thoughts of: "before-your-loss," and "after-your-loss." Reading can offer a safe private space: Bibliotherapy (books as therapy): Books are accessible always. Books can open-up insights as to how others cope. Explore Dr. Hoi F. Cheu's article on Bibliotherapy in the Addendum of Life Came to a Standstill. Please explore other pages on our site; free booklets, a poem, and dragonfly key chains: In the headings choose the option for Grief and the Courts, and A Guide For Living After Loss. You also can read Dawn's original poem, perhaps contact Barbara regarding her amazing key-chains, and/or continue for book tips. Alone: If friends and family cannot grasp the weight of your grief, share how you feel; ask for what you need. Teach those in your support circles how to help you best. Truly they cannot know without your help. Wide swings of emotion can be normal for you; including fear, and possibly anger. Expressing your feelings may offer a healthy release and validation for you. Essential rules: "Do not hurt yourself. Do not hurt anyone else." Bereavement support: Various communities, in many countries, offer free support for grieving families. Bereaved Families of Ontario, and Compassionate Friends are examples of only two. Wherever you live, please research the avenue most accessible and best suited to you. Your well-being is the primary focus of these volunteer based organizations. Sharing your unique story with those you trust will lighten your burden and bolster your confidence. Every healing effort helps you: |
Grief unfairly tasks you with the most painful work. When you feel broken, as you may well do, please believe. With ongoing grief work, and with reaching outward your shattered pieces (slowly) will realign too, as unique as the stained glass sunrise below.
Permission to grab little breaks:
Walk with your grief in nature; savour a cup of tea in a comfy chair, or an update in your journal. Perhaps, a distracting program; or, an empathetic chat with a friend. While your tears continue to flow, your mind and heart benefit from each small diversion. 
You have been coping with so much. When moments feel too overwhelming to bear, please reach out to wise people, wise quotes, and wise words.
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"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak
Whispers the oe'r fraught heart and bids it break.
--William Shakespeare
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While despair hovers;
please trust that you always have a choice. Choose hope. |
Above all else do not give up.
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." - St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
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As contrary as this, initially, may feel;
Walk toward your pain. Soften the rigid way you hold your shoulders and your belly. Gently walk toward mercy for "you." In Stephen Levine's compassionate book: "Unattended Sorrow," he quotes the Buddha: "You can look the whole world over and never find anyone more deserving of love than yourself." |
Gwendolyn Broadmore, author
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Find our book:
"Life Came to a Standstill" is available through physical book stores, online, and in certain libraries. Have a look (with no obligation to buy) under "order your copy." |
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We wish you love,
health and safety, compassion and companionship, and always hope . . . |
Warmest congratulations to all of our Goodreads free-book-winners, over the years, with sincere thanks and appreciation for your interest in "Life Came to a Standstill."
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
Goodreads link available here: www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard?ref=nav_profile_authordash
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"Life Came to a Standstill,"
True Accounts of Loss, Love, and Hope How does a parent live through the death of a child? This profound poignant compilation of the courageous personal journeys of seven grieving mothers, and one grieving sister offers a road map of how to cope with the anguish of traumatic unexpected loss—giving inspiration for continuing to live. 
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